Thursday, October 8, 2009

baby fever, zorra and quitters

So I am 32. Good thing too because I was mistakenly saying that was my age for about the last 6 months. Now at least I am no longer a bold-faced liar who truly believed what she was saying....It's interesting though, and maybe just in my head but the baby fever was hitting me on all these levels both conscious and subconscious. It became a big joke at work as Richard decided to try and start a rumor that I was "with child". I just went with it, what do I care really? It was a great tool of manipulation---even though it was a known joke. But seriously, preceding a sentence with "the baby wants...." while gently rubbing my lower belly was extremely persuasive. I could get used to this I thought for a split second in my mind....And then Tommy and I were dog sitting our favorite furry friend, Ms. Zorra for a few days. It was great to have all the extra affection and someone to dote on but just like those "egg"spiraments in Home Economics, the attention and responsibility hit me when her normal dog sitter got back into town and was ready to take her. At first, I felt so sad to see her go and then I was flooded with the concept of a returning sense of freedom. There would no longer be any living thing that I was responsible for making "poo". I gotta admit it was a good feeling...So for the time being, that baby fever that was coursing through my veins against my will has been momentarily tamed. Even though I imagine the experience of child rearing to be an incredible one, I could also see being a heavily involved Aunt or something and still being happy. The upright bass player in the big band has been married 35 years as of this week and when I asked her what the secret was she responded with,
"we never had kids". Interesting. I know not everyone feels that way and at different times in her life I wonder if she felt differently but I think that I could perhaps go that route. Only time will tell I guess.
So regarding the cleanse, I copped out at the end of day 1. I was grouchy and hungry and totally anti-social which really wasn't where I felt I needed to go. So I quit and I honestly feel like that was the right decision for me at the time. I have been watching what I eat and trying to get more exercise and I already feel much better. Amazingly enough, I really feel like things were stirred up because the next day I had all the detox signs and my digestive system has been working much more efficiently. I have two performances coming up along with the wedding in November so I do need to be disciplined. It feels good to be taking better care of myself.
Guess that is all for now.

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