It's official

I am in love. :)

iPhones, matches and tv

these are the things that fill my head in the second that just...........past.

Life is life. Up, down, spinning all around. Asking me questions. Building upon answers already determined only to find that they must be renewed. I heart my boyfriend. He is good and sweet and all things candy. My job kinda blows but it pays the bills and provides me with health insurance and gets me by without sucking my brain at the root. I could exercise more. I could eat better. I could smoke less. But right now is about now. And although I hold steady in the footing of "one in front of the other", I do not see too far into the horizon. And know that is all that I need to know.

unchained -johnny cash

I have been ungrateful, I've been unwise.
Restless from the cradle, now I realize.
It's so hard to see the rainbow through glasses dark as these. Maybe I'll be able from now on, on my knees.

[chorus]
Oh I am weak. Oh I know I am vain.
Take this weight from me, Let my spirit be unchained.

Old man swearin' at the sidewalk, I'm overcome.
Seems that we've both forgotten, forgotten to go home.
Oh have I seen an angel, or have I seen a ghost? Where's that Rock of Ages when I need it most?

[repeat chorus]

checking in

it's actually really hard to not spend money frivolously, did you know that?
Well for me it is.

I did a bit of a financial overview of my expenses and revealed that which I have known for a while. I spend way too much money on shit that I shouldn't and frankly don't need to. But I get something out of it. Maybe the mere transaction of trading paper and metal for a good or service just gets my goat. It's mysterious but I can't seem to shake it. I packed a bunch of lunches for myself but since I don't have a stovetop or oven, most of the food I am bringing is raw. This is fine and probably beneficial but it has a shorter shelf life. It makes me wonder how much I actually save. I know it is significant though. I can spend like the best of them.

Wonder how I would spend if I had all the money to do whatever I wanted? Well, I would love to have a personal trainer/chef or use one of those super expensive food delivery services that customized an ideal nutritional plan for me. I also would immediately buy a really f'ing good camera and just start taking pictures constantly. Traveling, that would certainly happen in the very near future. Would want to go somewhere tropical for a while, just to get things in order. Then I think I'd hit up Europe for a while and eventually hit Japan. Maybe I need to invent something that will blow up and I can take a year or two off.

As for today, I am at work. Drinking the free coffee.