belief, babies and traffic violations

I'm sleepy today as I was up until 2:30am talking about violence, art and believing in someone

with T-Diggie. It started off as a daily recap of events but then turned into a really deep two hour convo that really touched me. Turns out this boy really believes in me as an artist. When I consistently doubt myself, it's certainly mind-blowing to feel that someone else really thinks you have talent. And isn't afraid to tell everyone. Turns out he has been playing my music for anyone and everyone. And although I know that I can sing a little, it meant so much to me that he is so proud and seems to genuinely like my stuff. I'm feeling quite inspired to write more and continue to find the most authentic pathway to my true voice and sound. My goal is to set aside some time each day to write lyrics/melodies or whatever. I just have to learn how to flex that muscle. Songwriting takes practice and although what I've written that I am most proud of usually comes in a fervor, an almost channeling experience, I know that I have to create a lot of crap in order to mine a few diamonds. But it made me dream again. And that is a beautiful feeling.

Other highlights of yesterday were being on the receiving end of a great beeming love light from little Emily when I brought up her favorite blankie as Jen and I put her sweetness to bed for the night. Although I am quite clear I am not ready to be having children, I have been feeling that maternal instinct more than usual. That split second moment with Emily nourished me on deeper levels than she will ever know. And although I do not know what the future holds, I do believe in my heart that I will be a good mother. Life is such an adventure....

Then, on the way home from Jen's, I made a few incredibly stupid moves on the highway and got pulled over by Cali's finest. Oddly enough, the cop didn't even ask for my lisence and registration and basically just asked me what the hell I was thinking. I was in absolute shock as he guided me back onto the freeway and let me leave without even a small ticket. Sometimes I guess it does pay to be a woman. But I do owe the highway patrol a huge karmic thank you.

It is Easter weekend and I think I will be going with Tommy to our friend Matt's family home to celebrate. I feel warm and happy knowing that my family and heart are continuing to grow.