Schadenfreude

Apparently this word means, "gaining pleasure from the misfortune of others". I don't usually have use for this word in regards to my nature but lately it seems all too appropriate. Maybe I will elaborate later.

This kid cracks me up. Trying to laugh at myself and the great comedy that is the human experience. Trying to focus on all the things that I neglected while wrapped up in these past five years of serial monogamy.

Want to get into more exercise, kind of got the eating well thing going already, writing more, reading more, trying to find my quiet within. It's weird knowing that you will never be the same person again. We are always growing, but when you realize that certain circumstances have changed the course that you thought your life was taking, it can be a bit of a shock. A few physical changes have come into play but the mental ones are almost overwhelming. Periods of intensity are usually centered around infatuation and sexuality for me. This particular period is about honesty with the self, and the unending search to be a whole person.

But the truth is that I love relationships. I love love. I love men-the different angles of their bodies and different facets of their personalities, their wounds and strengths. I love being a part of a couple, I love to soothe, to comfort, to please, to laugh with a partner, the comfort, the warmth, the safety. However, now is not the time for that. It may be a time to date around but I struggle with that. I don't do much of anything in a casual manner. I'd like to though. Play the field, have fun without love. We'll see how it goes. For now, that has played a very minor role in this phase of my development. I do wonder though if I need to have a real wild period. Just explore. Sound fun, huh?

The focus now though is not on a man. The focus is on becoming the most whole, healthy and happy person I can be.