Acceptance

This quote hangs in my cubicle:
"Acceptance does not necessarily mean 'liking', 'enjoying' or 'condoning'. I can accept what is-and be determined to evolve from there. It's not acceptance but denial that leaves me stuck." Nathaniel Branden

I have had a long standing love affair with the concept of acceptance for a while now. Acceptance of all situations whether challenging or joyful allows me to be grateful for the lessons the universe has to teach me. It keeps me out of self-pity and frees me to move forward.

Recently, I had a strong feeling come over me about my financial world or lack thereof. Basically, something inside of me told me that due to my creative interests and other commitments, I will likely be poor forever so I just find my peace with it. For whatever reason, this kind of sent me into a panic or some sort of spiritual temper tantrum. I had my little freakout and wondered what the heck I am doing wrong or why the universe does not trust me with extra money. After talking at length about this with my father I did find some peace with it. The fact of the matter is that I like my life the way it is. I feel that I live it fully and do not wish to give up the amount of energy that I devote to music, other creative projects and whatever kind of volunteer work that I may get involved in. There is no way that I believe I would be happier if I dropped it all, went back to school and scrounged my way to the top on some more lucrative pathway. Actually, I find that I am somewhat uncomfortable with the very wealthy anyway. That may be a bit of an interesting tidbit to examine but I don't feel like looking into it now. So I accepted my meager means and tried to find peace with a simple life. The only concern that really came into play is the idea of having a family or one day being able to own a home. There has always been something in the back of my mind that figured those types of situations would work themselves out but as I get older, I feel that I need to plan a bit better.
A beautiful aspect of all this thinking perhaps finds it origin in the current happiness I have in my relationship. Being so happy with someone I love has inspired me to look to the future a bit. Mostly because I want to pave the way for more beauty to come of what I have found. The mere fact that someone has caused me to want to look ahead is pretty cool in itself. Tommy echoed my sentiment and mentioned our relationship has done the same thing in his mind. That was nice to hear.

So anyway, I worked on my acceptance and I calmed down and all that junk. Ironically, and boy do I love it when the universe does this, so much extra work has fallen in my lap since then it is quite incredible. I've book three VO jobs this month and have been helping Tommy on the weekend doing chef gigs and what not. I was getting a little exhausted but it sure is nice to have some wiggle room financially. I'm determined not to go overboard with my spending so that I can stay a little ahead here. As much as I hate to admit it though, having some extra money sure does relieve stress and opens up so much opportunity to do the things I enjoy doing.

Economists are saying that there are indications that the recession is ending and although I know that that won't necessarily make it's mark on folks like me for some time, it is nice to know that things are looking up.

In other news, I've had a lot of fun learning about interesting folks in the world like Julia Childs or following Obama's health care reform plans. It kind of blows my mind that his approval rating is at an all time low. Personally, I am so happy with his time so far and have found myself more patriotic than ever knowing he is leading and representing us. What a tough job he has. So much better him than me!

It's slow today at work and I have to get over to Van Nuys as soon as I am cut loose to do some VO for the Dr. Tran guys. Should be fun as usual. Then tomorrow there are plans for a bike ride and maybe some swimming---my new infatuation.

The sun is shining inside and out. :)

sefeeya

it's a slow day at work and I find myself running the gamut of emotions for no particular reason. Had a long talk with my dad last night on Skype about this and that-it was an honest talk and it was meaningful and equally supportive. I then sat in front of the little garden that T and I planted this weekend and talked a bit with him on the phone before putting myself to bed. I was awoken by a loud siren, the police were on their way somewhere and in a mighty hurry. When I glanced at the clock, I was happy that it was only a bit past 2am. Then, a few hours later I got a text from my boss that I didn't have to go pick him up at the airport. More relief.

I got to work this morning and felt unusually pleasant and chatty. High point number 1. Then I went back and forth with the usual suspects in an email thread about making a made-for-tv movie about a situation in Brittain where a philandering man had his penis super glued to his belly by a scorned wife, two lovers and one of the women's sisters. Somehow I managed to reach Low Point number 1 when I felt offended by something someone said in the emails. I guess I realized at that point that today was going to be a weird day.

Went on a work errand and enjoyed the cool of the car A/C and felt quiet. Then I got really weepy, but like lovestruck weepy. I had to choke back tears all through my lunch break while reading an article in some women's magazine. I'm a weirdo. And now I am sleepy.

Another great weekend

It was a good weekend. A full weekend. I went to Comic-Con again for the third year in a row. An unfortunate lack of communication threw a bit of a snafu into the signing I was supposed to do but it all actually ended up working out for the best. I lagged a bit in the morning after taking in the sun of Redondo and a delicious wild mushroom omelet that Tommy made. It was hard to leave but I finally got on the road and made it to San Diego by 2:30ish. I got to check out the scene for a bit and boy was it a scene. I wish I could upload some of the photos I took with my phone (regular camera is broken). There were some great costumes this year and I screamed internally like a little girl when I walked past the entire cast of "True Blood".

I got to see an old friend and meet up with a few others who were also there. Then we did our signing from 5-7 and it was wonderful. It amazes me how many people out there get the dark and random humor that is "Dr. Tran". I did my first interview for a podcast and that was fun. I felt comfortable and (dare I say) witty. After the signing, I booked it back to get ready for Jesse's big birthday bash. It proved to be what we figured it would, one helluva good time. Ironically or not, I learned some good lessons and riffed with my boo for a long time about just how sweet it is to love one another. I'm believing in love in a totally different way and man oh man, it's just great.

Got a bit of a case of the "Mondays" as I desperately wish I was with Tommy in the waves NOW instead of after I get off work. The ocean water has been a delicious 70 degrees and we are trying to take full advantage of the opportunities to sun and move our bodies. I'm trying to get back into my exercise groove and it feels good.

I also did another VO job on Friday so that will be great help in making August a comfortable month financially. It amazes me how things work themselves out if you are patient. Regardless, I feel rich every day when I think of the happiness that is my life. It's nice when you can stop for a moment, think of all that you are blessed with and smile while no one is watching.

ch-ch-ch-changes

It was a fantastic fourth of July. I spent it with friends and loved ones on the Catalyst rooftop overlooking a handful of fireworks displays as music bumped from the B-52's that Tommy had installed under his handmade neon-green canopy. It is hard to remember when I have smiled continuously for such a long period of time. We started the music around 1:30 in the afternoon and it continued well past 3am. When have I danced so much? I don't know.

And the fun continues as friends filter into town and summer is in full bloom.

The weather has been mild. The love has been strong and the laughter plentiful. I continue to be impressed by the man in my life who never strays from his steadfast supply of sillyness, kindness and an uncanny ability to be clever. Where this goes, who knows but I sure am lucky to feel it.

I installed SKYPE on my computer at home and can now talk on a regular basis with my dad. To hear his voice coming through my laptop is at times surreal but I am ever so grateful to the technological advances that allow this reunion of familiarity.

Work is fine. Nothing to complain about really. The coffee stays strong and I am surprisingly focused as of late.

I continue to walk through a personal transition that I guess I am not yet ready to start blogging about. At this point, I'll just say that I am happy with my decision and aim to continue learning who I am and what is best for me.

Gratitude comes in all forms and from many places.

It's official

I am in love. :)

iPhones, matches and tv

these are the things that fill my head in the second that just...........past.

Life is life. Up, down, spinning all around. Asking me questions. Building upon answers already determined only to find that they must be renewed. I heart my boyfriend. He is good and sweet and all things candy. My job kinda blows but it pays the bills and provides me with health insurance and gets me by without sucking my brain at the root. I could exercise more. I could eat better. I could smoke less. But right now is about now. And although I hold steady in the footing of "one in front of the other", I do not see too far into the horizon. And know that is all that I need to know.

unchained -johnny cash

I have been ungrateful, I've been unwise.
Restless from the cradle, now I realize.
It's so hard to see the rainbow through glasses dark as these. Maybe I'll be able from now on, on my knees.

[chorus]
Oh I am weak. Oh I know I am vain.
Take this weight from me, Let my spirit be unchained.

Old man swearin' at the sidewalk, I'm overcome.
Seems that we've both forgotten, forgotten to go home.
Oh have I seen an angel, or have I seen a ghost? Where's that Rock of Ages when I need it most?

[repeat chorus]